One Night Learning to Give Advice
Every person is different, and every person attracts or is attracted to varying qualities in a potential partner. So, this is the “duh” moment where you, the reader, question why you read a blog that would dare to offend you so by posting such an obvious statement. Well, a*holes, I’m using this obvious statement to launch into a discussion on what you should do if you absolutely hate your best friend’s girlfriend or boyfriend. This is the touchiest of subjects and one that has more possible endings than a “choose your own ending” mystery book.
The first rule of criticizing a very close friend’s not-so-better-half is to gauge your audience. If said friend walked into a store and tried on the most hideous ensemble and you made this fact known, would your friend (a) laugh, say you’re right and immediately take it off, (b) look wounded and attacked at the thought of anything looking hideous on them…are you saying I’m fat?, or (c) would your friend take the “whatevs” route and buy it anyway because he/she LOVES how big it makes his/her ass look? These are all things to think about when approaching the situation. Know who you are talking to and know how to approach the conversation because if you don’t, said friend will go on the defensive, and you might as well start talking gibberish, because it will be equally as ineffective as standard English.
Second, choose your battles. CHOOSE. YOUR. BATTLES. I can’t stress this enough. While there is the proverbial fine line between love and hate, there is a stadium-sized gaping hole between giving advice and being a nag. If you are the type of person to criticize EVERYTHING, maybe you should get one of your more laid back mutual friends to approach the situation of the Dr. Jekyll who is greedily eating up your friend’s time and sense of fun & adventure.
The third piece of advice should be obvious, but I’ve never been known to blindly hand out pieces of my “benefit of the doubt” cake, so, third, make sure he/she is not present when you begin to give your advice. I value my friends who are true to themselves and say what they think no matter what, but, in this scenario, use discretion. Once you isolate the vile monster your friend carelessly gave his/her heart to, you’ve also isolated your friend. Don’t create an awkward situation for anyone because, brace yourself, who knows what this blind, trial run of a life might hold…in this situation it could be marriage [insert piercing scream, thunder, etc.]. Let’s hope it doesn’t come to this, but, if it does - and this is a very close friend of yours, Vile Monster will probs not want you to be a part of their joyous recognition of “forever” before the eyes of God, Buddha, Allah, space…whatever they may believe.
Fourth, and finally, step back from the situation and take off your black-colored glasses of cynicism. Is your friend happy? This is the most important point. If a socially awkward, googly-eyed subhuman makes your friend happy, then what’s the problem? Does he/she treat your friend right, better your friend’s quality of life, share common life goals, push for your friend to do everything he/she has ever dreamed of? If the answer to all of these questions is yes…or, more simply, as long as the answer to these questions isn’t a desperate and immediate “NO! HE/SHE JUST SUCKS!” then back off. However, should you have this violently guttural response, then something clearly needs to be said or done. Your friend needs to be reminded of how special he/she is and that, no matter how counter-intuitive this may feel, it’s sometimes better to be alone and happy than coupled and miserable. This is the point in my advice where we loop back around to my first point. If something needs to be said or done, the only effective way to give advice is to gauge your audience and keep your friend from going on the defensive. He/she needs to know that you are even discussing this topic with him/her because you care and you want him/her to have the best of everything life has to offer. After all, we are talking about your friend here…they must awesome and worth it.
If you read through this post and thought, hmmm, this “vile monster” sounds like MY significant other, remember that while the 21st Century isn’t conducive to saving your virginity for marriage…at least save marriage for marriage and do it once…when you’re ready…and when it’s right.
